Music

Damn! It’s 7am! : The Definitive Ranking of Taylor Swift’s Music Videos

Is it just me or is You Need to Calm Down stuck in your head too?

35. Style

I honestly thought that Look What You Made Me Do would be last on this list, but I was wrong! What is this video? What are these lyrics? Having forgotten the drama with Harry Styles after that hot minute when it was everywhere means that this song makes no sense at all!

34. Look What You Made Me Do

Look What You Made Me Do has the godawful “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Coz she’s dead” line, so this goes last as noted above, this goes second to last apparently.

33. I Don’t Want to Live Forever

Eh.
(Not last thanks to Zayn Malik).

32. I Knew You Were Trouble

Gosh I didn’t think there would be such competition to be last among Taylor Swift’s songs, but here we are. Some shots in this video are nice. That’s it.

31. Ready For It

Taylor Swift pretends to be a video game character in a mediocre song. *channels deadpan John Oliver*: Cool.

30. Out of the Woods

Ugh I swear there’s a raging battle for the bottom spot between some of these songs in Taylor’s roster. “Are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods” makes my skin crawl.

The rest of the world was black and white, and we were in screaming colour

29. Change

It took me a second to recognize this song. I’ve never watched the video, and I see why. Mainly, there’s nothing to see. In terms of pure cinematography, I think it’s the worst music video of Taylor’s! I’m so relieved pop stars have got over singing to the camera with unblinking eye contact as a music video format.

28. Tim McGraw

Wow, I did not realize how many of Taylor’s old music videos are simply her lying somewhere or happily frolicking with Boyfriend. Tim McGraw is quite a good song, but less so than I remembered.

27. End Game

The best part of this song is of course Ed Sheeran. But it’s supposed to be a Taylor Swift song so…

26. Back To December

This song’s different from Taylor’s usual fare, so I like it. The music video is mostly Taylor sitting in her room full of regret and Boy just walks around, so nothing terribly interesting there. It’s not a song I play on repeat and mostly forget it exists.

25. Begin Again

This is Taylor’s ode to Paris. It’s a lovely video, she looks lovely, the song is sweet, but I’m still not a huge fan of it, I can’t put my finger on why.

24. Safe and Sound

I’m thinking that I don’t appreciate Taylor’s sound in songs like this one, Begin Again or Back to December, which is strange because I usually like lyrical, melancholic music. The video is boring with barefooted Taylor walking through the woods in what could be District 12.

23. White Horse

Another depressing number. At least this video has a story.

22. ME!

Taylor Swift has honed the maddening craft of it’s-going-to-get-stuck-in-your-head. The fighting in French, the overdone pastels and the ill-fitting suit are pretty unappealing, and yet, I’ve listened to this song multiple times since its release. What is this sorcery?!

I’m the only one of me, baby that’s the fun of me!

21. Fifteen

I like the effect of how the world builds around Taylor as she walks around, it’s quite cool and does a good job of representing her memories of being fifteen.

20. Teardrops On My Guitar

I like some of these old favourites less than I thought I would! Sweet song, but the video is pretty bad. Taylor’s come a long way since!

19. 22

22 is a cute song. It’s really an anthem for the 20s and I loved it when I was 22, but it’s less wonderful than I remember it.

18. Everything Has Changed

Aw, Ed!
First friendships and schooldays, such happy memories!

17. Ours

This slice of life video is quite funny in its ordinariness and even has a little mystery reveal right at the end. Boring office life juxtaposed with vibrant love seems pretty accurate to me.

16. Our Song

Honestly, the music video is terrible, but the lyrics of this song make up for it. Very sing-able and very romantic!

15. The Best Day

My god this is adorable and I’m not made of stone! Plus I love baby videos. Great song, sweet footage of baby Taylor, so cute!

14. Mine

I like the song better than the music video, but really, it’s solidly middle all around.

13. I’m Only Me When I’m With You

I’m biased towards this song because long ago I used it to make a very similar music video for my best friend on her birthday. Taylor looks like she’s having a blast doing what she loves and that makes this song rank pretty high!

I’m only up when you’re not down, don’t want to fly if you’re still on the ground.

12. Wildest Dreams

Guilty pleasure alert: Look the first thing that hits me about this song is colonial nostalgia. I think it’s almost the surprise of how much The Empire is often thought of as A Great Thing in the Euro-American perspective. It really really wasn’t. And the rest of the world, which is the majority of the world, knows this. Having got that out of the way, this video is gorgeous! Taylor Swift is gorgeous! The story is heart-wrenching. Beautiful places, beautiful people and beautiful music, what’s not to love? (I mean besides the twenty-first nostalgia of Old Hollywood nostalgia of “wasn’t it wonderful when we made the natives slaves in their own lands?”)

11. Bad Blood

Bad Blood is less bad than I remembered! The story of the cool ninja assassin who gets betrayed by her co-conspirator and gets her revenge in the end after a training montage is actually pretty awesome! I guess without the Katy Perry nonsense and though the lyrics are only OK, Bad Blood ranks higher than expected.

10. We Are Never Ever (Ever Ever) Getting Back Together

Taylor Swift is full of surprises! I could have sworn that this song would have been lower on the list since the only lyric stuck in my head is “we are never ever ever ever ever ever ever getting back together” (oh my god I get it!) but it has a story and an actually fun music video! *shocked*. From the opening transition that I love to the silly “we-ee” friends jump, six years later (yes, 6!) this put a smile on my face.

… with an indie record that’s much cooler than mine!

9. Picture To Burn

The precursor to Blank Space clearly. Vengeful Taylor is the best! She’s so sassy and sarcastic and I love it. TPing his house, writing “LOSER” with toothpaste and throwing darts on that jerk’s picture? Hell yeah!

And if you come around saying sorry to me, my daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you’ll be!

8. Shake It Off

Catchy tune, and now I can’t get it out of my head! Great music video, I love every scene of where Taylor is doing things wrong or differently than everyone else and still ends up having a good time. It’s a great reminder to march to the beat of your own drum!

But I keep cruisin’
Can’t stop won’t stop movin’
It’s like I got this music
In my mind saying
“It’s gonna be all right”

Fun fact: Shake it off was playing in this year’s world cup! (West Indies vs New Zealand)

7. You Need To Calm Down

Oh my, turns out I love this song. I love the colours, the sass, the cameos (Ellen! Tan!). I wish the anti-gay squad wasn’t such a trope but honestly there’s so much to love in this video. That “oh-OH oh-OH oh-OH -oh-OH oh-OH!” is so catchy oh my god!
And have I mentioned Tan? Yeah, he’s there. Drinking tea straight out of a teapot. That’s my favourite bit. Or perhaps it’s Ellen’s tattoo. Or Ryan Reynolds with a paintbrush in his mouth. Or Hannah Hart!! Or “shade never made anyone less gay!“. OK, I’ll stop.

You are somebody that I don’t know
But you’re taking shots at me like it’s Patrón
And I’m just like damn! It’s 7 am!

6. Delicate

The music video is gorgeous. When I watch it, the song and the lyrics are really just the background score to a cool concept because who hasn’t dreamed of walking this world unseen? It makes me think of late night drives on otherwise busy traffic-laden roads and the peace and simple joys of those stolen moments.

5. The Story Of Us

Finally a song that is as good as I remember it! The video is full of great moments, the band is a neat addition and the way Taylor captures post-breakup awkwardness is so perfect!
The abrupt “The End” really hits it home. 10/10.

I’ve never heard silence quite this loud!

4. Blank Space

Oh Taylor, this was a masterpiece. The lyrics still leave something to be desired but the video! Edgy and hilarious! Needless to say, I’ve played this on constant repeat once upon a time.

Darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream!

3. Love Story

Romeo and Juliet in song? Yes please. I’m an unapologetic fan of Shakespeare in pop culture. Hey, my favourite teen movie is 10 Things I Hate About You. Love Story was destined to rank high.

2. Mean

I love how this video opens, I love the reveal of more characters and sets with every “you”, I love that the video makes me feel determined to win despite all the naysayers. And the banjo adds an interesting element to the song. It’s an eternal favourite.

1. You Belong With Me

Classic Taylor! How I loved her! A sweet movie in a 4 minute song, perfect! The top spot ranking is of course liberally aided by a healthy dose of high school nostalgia.

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